


Honesty's the Best Policy

by Rumaan



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Angst, End of Season 3 What if, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 17:23:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8219087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rumaan/pseuds/Rumaan
Summary: Lorelai has no idea why Jess is outside her house in the middle of the night but she can't imagine it means anything good.





	

The acrid smell of smoke wakes her up. For a scary moment, Lorelai thinks the house is on fire the same as the Inn. This fear propels her out of bed, legs shaking and adrenaline flooding her system before the sleep clears and she realises that it’s nothing more than cigarette smoke. Summer is finally here so she has her windows open. Glancing at her bedside alarm clock, she frowns when she sees that it’s close to 3am in the morning. This is Stars Hollow, no one is awake at this time, let alone walking the streets and smoking.

Lorelai pokes her head out of the window and her heart lurches when she sees the familiar head of impeccably styled crazy black hair below, the cigarette smoke curling up past it and up towards her window.

What’s Jess doing outside her house in the middle of the night? A horrible sinking feeling engulfs her: it’s a post-coital cigarette. Rory _slept_ with him without talking to her first and while she was sleeping.

Then she hears a sniffle and the lack of sound coming from Rory’s room downstairs. Plus there’s no way her careful daughter would sleep with a boy while her mom slept upstairs. Peeking out of the window again, she notices the dejected angle of Jess’ head and the green duffle bag that sits by his side, half obscured by a bush.

Is he leaving?

Lorelai knows things haven’t been good between Rory and Jess lately. Rory has been both irritated and worried by how withdrawn he’s become. She doesn’t talk to her mom about it, but Lorelai isn’t stupid. And up until this moment, she has been looking forward to the inevitable collapse of the relationship. It isn’t like she _wants_ Rory to have her heart broken, but it’s been on the cards ever since she’d had her head turned by Jess.

Then again, until now, Lorelai hasn’t thought that perhaps Rory isn’t the only one who could come out of this relationship with a broken heart. Oh sure, she knows Jess likes Rory. He always had. Her daughter is the only person Jess is pleasant to, but she has wondered just how much the thrill of the chase, of stealing the town’s princess out from under their noses had contributed to Jess’ interest in her. But sitting outside your girlfriend’s house in the middle of the night isn’t exactly the actions of a boy who’s not particularly interested.

Something must have happened.

She’s torn in two. Part of her just wants to turn around, climb back in bed and ignore him. But the larger part of her wants to go down and see what’s up. For Rory and Luke if not for Jess himself. So, with a slight sigh, she wraps her robe around her and does downstairs.

“Jess?” she says softly as she pads out onto the porch.

The boy jumps, clearly surprised and Lorelai can’t help but grin a little at startling the kid who sneaks around town so expertly.

Hurriedly, he stubs his cigarette out and stands, brushing his hands down his jeans. “Sorry, I’ll just go.”

As he leans down to grab his duffle bag, he steps into a patch of moonlight and she’s shaken to see the tearstains down his cheeks.

 _He’s been crying?!_ She thinks and any desire to let him just leave flees.

“Hey, why don’t you come inside?”

“It’s okay. Rory’s sleeping. I’ll be out your hair.”

The lack of any bite in his words unnerves her. Jess likes her about as much as she likes him and he never fails to take any opportunity to show it.

Lorelai walks down the steps and stands in front of him. “Listen, I’m not going to even pretend to know why you’re outside my house in the middle of the night, but I’m not stupid. I can see something is up,” she says with a pointed glance at the bag. “Are you going back to Luke’s with that?”

Jess looks down at his shoes, clearly considering how honest he wants to be with his answer. There’s a shuddering shake of his shoulders and he quickly dashes his arm over his face, clearly irritated at how his emotions are letting him down.

“Jess,” Lorelai says quietly. “Just come inside.”

He gives her one of his piercing looks as his hand grips his bag, white knuckled. She doesn’t try an encouraging smile, knowing that would make him bolt, but keeps her face neutral and non-judgemental.

“’Kay,” he replies, subdued, and follows her up into the front room.

She leads him into the kitchen, both of them moving quietly so as not to wake up Rory. “Want coffee? Tea? Soda?”

He shakes his head so she gets him a glass of water instead and puts it in front of him. He looks at it as if it’s an alien liquid he’s never seen before.

She settles in the chair opposite, clutching her own glass of water, and says nothing. If he wants to talk he will. After eighteen months of watching how he operates, she knows trying to force him to confide in her will get her nowhere.

“I can’t graduate,” he finally says, a finger tracing a pattern in the table. “I found out the day of the party when I went to get Prom tickets for Rory. I skipped too many days and Merton says I have to retake senior year. Luke found out tonight.”

“I see he took it well.”

“Kicked me out when I said I wouldn’t go back to school next year.”

Lorelai silently curses Liz once more for putting this burden on Luke, who cares far too much for his own good. She imagines just how frustrated he would have been when Jess told him. How much he would blame himself for letting the kid down without realising that Jess was already screwed up before he even stepped foot in Stars Hollow. That it would have taken a miracle for Luke to straighten him out. Eighteen months can’t erase seventeen years – no matter how good the intentions.

“You know he wouldn’t have meant for you to leave right away and that he probably wouldn’t want you to go at all.”

Jess shrugs. “It was the deal. When I came back to Stars Hollow, the deal for me to stay was that I graduated. I didn’t.”

She swallows back the spiel she was about to launch into; that Luke will have calmed down by the morning. That is not the right tact to take with this boy. So instead, she goes for establishing some common ground. She had tried that once before, when they first met, and it had gone disastrously wrong. But now she knows Jess better and he knows Luke better, too. She doesn’t need to tell him about Luke now.

“You know I didn’t graduate.”

His head shoots up. “What?”

“Nope. Left school when I had Rory. Left home when Rory was a few weeks old and came here. Just turned seventeen with a newborn baby and no high school diploma.”

“But you graduated from business school last year. How did you go to college if you dropped out of school?”

“I took my GED a couple of years later. Once I had a steady job and somewhere to live. All I’m saying is that not graduating is not the end of the world.”

“Someone should tell that to Luke,” Jess says bitterly.

She ignores the comment. “You have options, Jess. It might not seem like it right now, but you do. Skipping town is not the only prospect you currently have.”

He scowls and looks away. She could launch into a spiel about how he should get his GED if he’s not going to retake his senior year. About how it’s a good alternative. One that would give him far more options than just dropping out of high school and drifting his way through life. But he’s not ready to hear it.

“You want to spend the rest of the night here?”

His head snaps back round to her. “What?”

She smiles then. “You can sleep on the couch if you want. Better than a bench or the gazebo or something. Although a lot less likely to give Taylor an aneurism and I know how you enjoy doing that.”

“You’d be okay with me crashing here?”

“I’m not about to allow Rory’s boyfriend to wander the streets. Plus, it’ll give you and Rory a chance to talk in the morning, too,” she says pointedly.

Jess looks a little shamed faced and he mutters, “I don’t want to burden her with this.”

“A little advice if I may, Jess,” Lorelai says, pinning him with her stare. “I’m know you’ve been with girls before, but I’m pretty sure Rory is your first proper girlfriend. Rory doesn’t want to be protected from whatever crap is going on in your life. I get that you’re not used to the whole honesty or opening up thing, but it’s generally a relationship staple. Tell her what’s going on. She’ll appreciate that a whole lot more than a boy who skips out on her.”

“I wasn’t going to bail-” he starts to say defensively but she cuts him off.

“Yeah. You were. I recognise the signs.”

He flushes then, but nods and says, “Thanks. I’d appreciate staying.”

She goes into the hall cupboard and pulls out extra bedding for him and makes up the sofa while he hovers a little, still clutching that pathetic bag of his.

“This is dependent on you talking to Rory tomorrow,” she says as she finishes.

He nods and she leaves him to and returns to bed.

\-------------

Rory shuffles past the lump on the sofa without noticing it at first. It’s only when she stumbles over the green duffle bag that she squints around and then sees the piles of blankets. She stares at it for a brief moment and then pulls a corner of the covers back. A head of familiar black hair greets her and she jumps back in surprise.

 _It’s Jess!_ She thinks a little bewildered.

Jess in her house and sleeping on her sofa. She pulls the blankets down a little more, freeing his face and studies him for a long moment. He looks younger in his sleep. Less cynical.  She smiles softly as she runs a gentle fingertip slowly down his cheek. His eyelids flutter but he doesn’t wake up, which is probably a good thing. She wants to ask her mom just what he’s doing there. So, she walks quietly back down the corridor and into the kitchen where she puts the coffee on.

Twenty minutes later, her mom barrels in.

“Oh! You’re awake,” Lorelai says, stopping in the doorframe.

“Yep and confused. I thought maybe the coffee would dispel that but it hasn’t.”

Lorelai ventures forward into the kitchen, her hand grabbing a mug and pouring some coffee in it. She slides into a seat at the table. “You’ve seen Jess.”

“Why is he asleep on the sofa?” she asks, not beating about the bush.

Her mom sighs. “I found himself outside the house in the middle of the night.” Rory goes to interrupt but Lorelai puts up her hand. “Nope. I’m not going to tell you why he was out there. That’s a conversation you need to have with him.”

Rory purses her lips in frustration. It’s irritating that her mom knows what’s going on and she – his girlfriend – doesn’t. But she knows better than to push. It might not seem like it at times, but Lorelai is great at keeping a secret. She wouldn’t crack no matter how hard Rory wheedled. Plus, she wants it to come from Jess really. He’s been pulling away from her recently, which she hasn’t confronted him about, not wanting to pressure him. However, it seems like today will be the day for answers.

“Is he okay at least?” she asks.

Her mom smiles a little sadly. “I think he will be once he talks to you.”

Rory has to wait nearly two hours for Jess to surface. She’s still sitting at the kitchen table, reading and nursing a cup of coffee. A half consumed muffin sits on a plate next to her. A bag of them in the middle. Her mom had dropped them off about an hour ago and then cited something about a work emergency at the Inn. She appreciated Lorelai keeping out of the house for her and Jess.

He shambles in and stands for a moment staring at her. She looks up from her book and has to bite back a smile when she sees him. His hair is a disaster and he has a pillow crease on one cheek. He looks adorable.

“Coffee?” she asked.

“Please,” he replies, his voice husky from sleep.

He slumps down into the chair opposite hers as she gets up and rests his head on his arms. Rory places a mug of coffee next to him as well as the bag of muffins. She retakes her seat opposite and does nothing else. She really wants answers. Curiosity is eating away at her, but she has to be patient about it and allow him to wake up at least.

It takes a surprisingly little amount of time. His hair is still everywhere and his eyes puffy from lack of sleep and something else that she doesn’t dare dwell on, but he takes a deep drink of coffee, rubs his hands over his eyes and blurts out, “I can’t take you to prom because I didn’t graduate.”

Rory blinks at this, a little stunned. It’s not what she had imagined mainly because she truly thought Jess would graduate, that he had it all under control like he claimed to. She is also amazed at how quickly he’s opened up. She’s used to having to drag things out of him. Quickly pulling herself together, she says, “What happened?”

He looks away then, shame faced. “I missed too many days.”

It’s on the tip of her tongue to tell him that she told him so. That he needed to go to school more than he was. She’s so disappointment, but it’s the fact that he’s also disappointed that holds her back. However, the deep disappointment hits heavy in her stomach. Jess is so smart and it’s insane that he’s not graduating. But she can see past his ‘I don’t care’ attitude that he shows the world and knows that this is eating him up inside way more than her. Maybe not because he’s not getting his high school diploma, she has never been able to shake his apathy towards qualifications out of him, but because he promised to take her to his prom and he now has to break that promise.

So she says nothing and just gives him an understanding smile and nod. There’s nothing she can say anyway.

“My dad showed up, too,” he continues.

“What?” Rory asks reeling.

“Yeah, came to the diner a couple of days ago and just sat there ordering nothing but coffee and saying nothing like a coward before he bolted. Luke saw him, knew it was Jimmy and said nothing. Didn’t bother to warn me or nothing. Probably hoped he would skip town again rather than confront me. But to give Jimmy some credit, he came back and dropped the bombshell on me.”

Rory moves into the chair next to his and grabs hold of one of his hands. “Oh Jess!” she exclaims ineffectively.

She has no words for this, no cute little platitudes to make him feel better. For all that Christopher drops in and out of her life, she at least knows him. There wouldn’t be an occasion when he could surprise her or an opportunity to interact with him without her knowing who he is. She cannot imagine carrying such a burden, and on top of not graduating. No wonder Jess has been so withdrawn lately.

“He sat with me for a bit,” Jess started to say before he broke off and let out a bitter laugh. “Surprise surprise we had nothing of any value to say. Just sat there and listened to some music before he left again.”

Rory squeezes his hand hard almost as if she’s trying to take some of his pain away. Shoulder some of the unbearable weight with him. Jess never talks about his childhood beyond the mundane. She’s had to put clues together from he’s let drop and what Luke has said. She has no idea what it must have been like to grow up with a mom who couldn’t be trusted or relied on. They may have an absentee father in common, but Rory has always had Lorelai. A mom who always put her first and made sure she had what she needed. From what she had gleaned, Jess didn’t have this.

“Do you have anyway of contacting him at least? I mean, if you want to contact him. You might not want to. I can understand if you don’t. I’m not sure I would want to contact Christopher in these circumstances but I think I’d like the choice to do so. I know your dad makes my dad look like father of the year and I doubt you missed out on any stellar parenting, but it might be nice to connect right? To see what’s he like.”

Rory finally runs out of steam. Her rambling is probably not helping. However, when she looks up, there’s that small smile on Jess’ face. The one he seems to reserve just for her. The one he has every time she rambles. Warmth spreads through her at the thought that she’s (inadvertently or not) managed to do something right. They have been at such odds recently that she had wondered if they would never reconnect again.

“I think I do want to find him,” Jess says slowly. “I don’t know why. It’s not as if he deserves it. Does that make me an idiot?”

She shakes her head. “Not an idiot, no. And _you_ do deserve to know your dad. This doesn’t have to be about him at all. It can be just about you.”

Jess nods at that, slips his hand out of hers, takes a sip of his coffee that must be cold by now and plays with the bag of muffins she had put in front of him. He takes a deep breath, raises his head once more and looks her straight in the eye. “Besides, it’s not as if I can stay here anyway.”

“What? Why?” she asks with a frown.

“Luke kicked me out. The deal for me to stay was that I had to graduate and I didn’t. It’s why I was outside your house last night. I didn’t have anywhere else to go,” he stops and looks down. She can’t help but feel that there’s more that he wants to say but she doesn’t push. Not when he’s finally opening up to her.

“It’s Luke. You know what he’s like. He explodes, says stuff and doesn’t mean it. I’m sure if you talk to him today then it would be a different matter.”

“He wants me to retake my senior year and there’s no way in hell I’m doing that. Yet, he’s adamant.”

“Why not retake your senior year. It’s an option, right?” she asks instead, deciding to focus on something that’s more easily dealt with than the thorny issue of Jess and his family.

He runs a frustrated hand through his hair. “It’s not for me, Rory, you know that. I can’t stand being in that building listening to all those contrite bullshit opinions and having to regurgitate them for some stupid test that decides if I’m smart or not. Besides, your mom said she got her GED so I could do that instead.”

Rory’s eaten up with curiosity about just what _Jess_ and _her mom_ spoke about. However, asking Jess is the least appealing option. He’ll shrug and give her the bare bones. At least Lorelai can be counted for an in depth retelling.

“She did,” she agrees. “And, yeah, it could work for you, too.”

There’s a small gleam of optimism in his eyes when she says that so she presses her advantage home. “I’m sure Luke would go for it, too.”

His face falls. “Maybe,” he mutters.

There’s an itch him in that she can feel. He’s already half way out of Stars Hollow and she could fight to keep him here, use their relationship as a way of making him stay. Part of her demands that she does this. She’s pretty sure she’s in love with Jess and she doesn’t want to say goodbye. But a larger part of her realises that staying might not be the best thing for him. She’s not an idiot. She knows he chafes at the small town life. That he hates everyone being in his business and the judgement that comes his way. If she’s heard the whispers about how it’s such a shame that Lorelai allows her to date him, then she’s pretty sure he has. The murmurings about him are only going to get worse once it’s out that he didn’t graduate. The town pretty much thinks he’s a deadbeat already and she doesn’t want him to live in such a negative atmosphere.

So she leans forward and kisses him. “I understand if you need to leave. I’ll miss you but I don’t want you to stay around just for me. I get it if you need to go and see your dad. Well, I don’t _get it_ get it, but I understand and I would never hold it against you.”

He lets out a massive sigh, as if he’s been holding onto something deep inside him. He shoots her a nervous glance. “I was going to leave without saying anything. It’s the other reason why I came here last night. I wanted to be close to you one more time even if that meant sitting outside your house,” he admits and looks down as if he cannot face her.

Pain lances through her chest at his confession. If Jess had left without saying goodbye one more time, she isn’t sure she could forgive him. Not now. Not after their relationship. This wasn’t like last year. They were so much closer now. If he’d just left it would’ve caused her monumental hurt and she oscillates between confronting him about it or being grateful that he didn’t do this.

Once more though, words are unnecessary as he seems to read her mind. “It wouldn’t have been to hurt you although it would have been a shitty thing to do. I just…” he stops, takes a small moment to gather his thoughts before continuing. “I just feel like a failure. As if everything I touch withers and dies and I can’t help but feel that this,” he points his finger between them, “is going to get messed up to. I don’t even feel worthy of you right now. Dammit, I couldn’t even do the one thing you asked of me and take you to your prom.”

There’s a sheen of moisture in his eyes and she find herself blinking back tears, too. This is the most honest Jess has ever been with her. He’s kept everything bottled up so deeply that reaching out to him often felt impossible. She wishes he had done this earlier. Had allowed her in before. That it hadn’t been left to now when everything is so desperate.

“I don’t care about Prom,” she declares and realises that she means it. “I’m not going to lie and say that your admission about leaving without telling me doesn’t hurt, because it does. A lot. All I’ve ever wanted was you to be honest with me like you’re being now.”

He looks sceptical. “This is hardly dream boyfriend material stuff happening right here.”

And he’s right. It isn’t and, to be honest, he isn’t. She’s spent too long over the past couple of months comparing him to Dean to lie to herself – or him- about that. But that’s Jess. She had known that he wasn’t all sunshine and roses when she got together with him so it’s unfair to complain about it now. Sure, she dreamed about being all the support he needed, but she’s come to realise that Jess needs to heal himself. She can see that now.

“I think you should go,” she declares. “I think you should do what you need to do. Whether that’s going to find your dad or just getting away from Stars Hollow – even for a bit.”

“But what about you?”

She smiles – albeit a little weakly. “Just let me know how you are, Jess. I just want a phone call or a letter every now and again letting me know that you’re okay.”

He pulls her in close then, wrapping her up in a fierce hug, his face pressed into her hair. “I don’t deserve you,” he whispers into her ear. “You deserve someone who can be there for you. Who isn’t a fucking mess.”

She struggles to stop the tears from falling, but she refuses to give into them. She can do this for him, but it’s also for her, too. While she doesn’t agree that he doesn’t deserve her, she knows that she does deserve better than what Jess can give her right now. And that he deserves the opportunity to find what he needs. They aren’t what each other needs right now and it hurts, but it’s the truth

Clinging tight to him, she whispers into his neck, “This isn’t the end. It’s an interval.”

\----------------

Rory finds her mom late that afternoon in the Diner. She pulls out a chair and swipes a fry from Lorelai’s plate.

“Hey!” Lorelai complains, pulling her plate towards her with a twinkle in her eye. “Get your own food.”

“But yours is so much better,” she replies, grabbing another fry.

Her mom watches her nibble on it. “So?” she finally asks.

“He’s gone.”

It feels strange saying it. When she had come in, she had automatically looked for him leaning behind the counter, reading a book despite having just come from the bus stop. She wonders just how long it will take her to get used to not doing that. For her to get used to him not being there.

“Oh, honey,” Lorelai says clutching her hand. “I’m sorry.”

With a smile that she doesn’t really feel, she says, “Don’t be. We talked. I mean really talked. I didn’t think Jess could talk that much about himself. And I encouraged him to go. He needs this, mom. Much more than I need him here with me in Stars Hollow.”

“That’s really mature of you. I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah, I’m kind of proud of myself, too. I didn’t want him to go, but I don’t want him to stay here for me and just do nothing with his life. He has so much potential and I know if he sorts his head out that he can do so much with his life.” She sees Lorelai’s sceptical look and says, “He does. I know you didn’t particularly like him, but there’s more to him than a bad attitude and snarky rejoinders.”

“I hope he puts that faith of yours to good use.”

“He will,” Rory states confidently. “Thank you, though. For making him stay last night and talk to me. He wouldn’t have done that otherwise.”

“Glad I could help.”

The curtain at the back is pulled aside and Luke comes into the diner. Rory can’t help but notice how tired he looks. She bets he didn’t get any sleep last night worrying about where Jess was.

“How is he?” she asks Lorelai.

“As tight lipped about the whole affair as usual, but he was grateful when I told him Jess stayed with us last night.”

Rory pulls a letter out of her bag. “Jess wrote this for him. I’m going to go order some food and give it to him.”

She has no idea what is in the letter. She hadn’t asked Jess when he wrote it and asked her to pass it along and she has no plans to ask Luke either. She hopes it’s enough to heal the breach that opened up between them. They were more alike than they liked to think and she can’t help but think that Liz should have sent Jess to Luke at a much younger age. Maybe his life wouldn’t be as bleak as it is now if she had.

“Hey,” she says, sliding onto one the stools at the counter.

Luke eyes the letter sitting in front of her, his name written in block print on the front of the envelope. “He’s gone then?”

“Yeah, he’s gone.”

His face falls slightly and she realises that Luke had hoped that Rory would be able to convince him to stay.

“It’s for the best, Luke.”

“What’s he going to do without his high school diploma?”

“Get his GED probably and then come back to throw it in your face.”

That gets a smile. “Little punk,” Luke says affectionately.

“He’ll be back at some point. I’m sure of it,” Rory says and she truly is.

Jess is not gone from her life forever. Things between them aren’t done.

 


End file.
